Keeping up with Adventure Boyfriends
When I was single, it was my dream to have an outdoorsy boyfriend—an ever-ready partner to adventure with, climb, hike, fly, or travel in a van. What I didn’t expect was how much having an adventure boyfriend would make me cry.
We went out into nature and did all the things together. We hiked - only 70% of the hike was a solo walk watching my ADBF (adventure boyfriend) power ahead with his muscular legs. We multi-day hiked - only instead of staying at the first campground we smooshed 3 days and distances into 1. We climbed - only it was grades much higher than I was used to and on sea cliffs with rising tides over the standing belay. We river floated - or should I say paddled actively down grade 3 rapids on a floaty. We lived in a van and sometimes I lay on the bed refusing to move in need of a rest day.
I have never felt so uncomfortable, so afraid, so out of breath in my life before I met my ADBF. Keeping up with him is a challenge on its own, despite the actual activity challenge of keeping my cool on a knife-edge ridge line or backcountry skiing as a beginner in powder. I didn’t expect the adventure gap would be so huge between us, that I would have to struggle and strive and hold on for dear life to keep up with him. For a time it seemed almost every mission I was exploding in tears or flurrying into a panic attack. The frequent difficult experiences meant I began to forget I loved the outdoors, that I was a good climber, that hiking filled my cup. I began to expect each mission we went on would be difficult for me and I would feel slow, incapable, not good enough. I had to take a step back. I needed to stay home and be quiet, see girlfriends and do easy walks by the river. I had to take time to remember what I loved about being outdoors.
Every ADBF is unique. Mine is like a jumping puppy, bursting with life and ideas, places to go, things to do, and all at the speed of light. I am like a fluffy wombat who wants to ponder along, sit on its comfy bum and look at the view with a yummy sandwich. I used to see myself as fit and strong, above average in my small exposure to outdoorsy friends. I didn’t know how to adjust this next level athleticism and stoke.
I had to learn how to communicate. “This is doable for me, this is not”. I had to set boundaries to protect myself from the building list of fearful experiences outdoors. I had to be ok with releasing him to find another adventure buddy to go with. And other times be brave enough to share what I needed, “Can you hold my hand?” I had to learn to be humble, “Thank you for offering to carry my backpack”. And I had to learn to not always ask him to slow down, but let him run, stretch his legs, and know he will come back to be with a hug and a little, “Good job babe”.
Having an Adventure Boyfriend has given me so many beautiful experiences. He’s taken me to places I could never have dreamed of being, and we’ve ticked off objectives I didn’t know I was capable of. I do not regret these memories one bit. I still cry and feel afraid. But I’m also growing, nurturing and protecting myself, getting stronger in body and mind as I follow behind this amazing Adventurous man, catching up and sometimes leading the way.
Hike. Cry. Stay home. Rest. Do it all again.