Adult Tantrums
I always considered myself an emotionally stable person. That was until I started trad climbing with my adventure boyfriend. There’s nothing like sitting awkwardly on the crux of an overhang with pumped forearms, trying to release a jammed nut. That will get the four-letter word tap flowing. In these moments I realise I am an angry, impatient, easily frustrated person when under pressure.
One sunny day in the Bugaboos, my adventure boyfriend and I were waiting at the base of a multi-pitch trad climb behind another party. The guy leading called, “Climb on”, The girl left the ground and climbed up to a very jammed cam, an impossible retrieval. She sat there on the weight of her arms calmly, pulling and tweaking, 10-15 minutes went by and we watched her. Eventually, she called in to the radio and said she couldn’t get it and would continue. I stood there thinking, “That’s it? No grumbling?Complaining? Not even a grunt?” I don’t know if it was because we were standing there watching but if the roles were reversed I know I would have given up a lot sooner with a lot less dignity.
A moment to rant. I hate trad climbing, I hate the faff of getting gear out and the style of crack climbing that comes with it. I love the flow of sport where the focus is on the climb and I can simply reach up, clip and the world moves on. Every time I find myself on the wall with trad I am mentally and physically tested. So far I have gotten away with mainly only climbing sport, but the issue is the man I love craves to climb trad and it brings him joy to climb it together. I’ve thought about throwing the towel in and getting a tattoo that says “I’m a sport climber. Period”, but there’s something inside of me that knows I’d only be sweeping the bigger issue under the rug, rage.
So what should I do? I feel like an overweight person who would much rather take a diet pill to lose weight than tackle the long and winding journey of exercising and eating well. The easy option is to give up. The hard option, (with gritted teeth I know is better for me) is to chip away over time and grow healthy habits. Take a breath when I’m mad, maybe laugh a little, or a fake laugh at least until the real one comes, sit on the rope, shake out my arms, mentally regather, then have another go at releasing the world's most obnoxious piece of trad. Potential additions to the healthy habit plan could be to eat food and drink water before climbing so I’m not adding hangry emotions into the mix. Final addition to the plan, refrain from climbing harder trad routes, slowly progress in body strength and mental capacity for dealing with sticky gear.
Triggers for adult tantrums are different for everyone. You might be calm with trad gear but exasperated trying to put on your ski boots. Exhausting I know. Whatever the trigger, I’m sure if we slowly create healthy habits and face our challenges then maybe one day we will master the pressure.